


Give Me All Your Poison

by gonnafeelgood



Category: Bandom RPF, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Dom/sub, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-20
Updated: 2007-09-20
Packaged: 2017-10-05 16:28:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonnafeelgood/pseuds/gonnafeelgood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Gerard is sober, but he's not exactly clean. Not yet.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me All Your Poison

**Author's Note:**

> Set during Warped 2005 and the Summer of Like. It's fucked up. Also totally unbetaed because I wrote it on the train.
> 
> **edited to add:** Also, now available [in Russian](http://community.livejournal.com/ru_music_slash/35666.html#cutid1), thanks to an amazing translation by [](http://nadine1.livejournal.com/profile)[**nadine1**](http://nadine1.livejournal.com/)!

Gerard is sober, but he's not exactly clean. Not yet.

It's the only thing, the "clean AND sober" thing, that he lies about in interviews. He really does try to be honest with the press and the fans, but there's something in the distinction between the terms that he doesn't want to explain to just anyone.

Or to anyone.

This might be easier if he was still drinking or using. At least then he'd have an excuse for what he's doing, it could be the alcohol or the coke that did it.

Instead, it's just him.

No excuses. This is just him.

*

Pete and Mikey are totally the Sweet Little Dudes and they have this weird, almost psychic connection that makes it seem like they've been running around like monkeys on crack forever instead of just a few weeks.

It makes everyone think that they're fucking or at least that they're on the road to where they will be fucking. Even the bodyguards are getting in on the pool, everyone watching for the moment when the Sweet Little Dudes catch on.

One night, after Pete and Mikey have finished making matching t-shirts or whatever the fuck it is that they do with their junior high crushes, Gerard waits outside his bus. When Pete rounds the corner of the bus, Gerard snaps his hand out of the shadows (how very cliché, but convenient) and grabs Pete's arm hard.

Gerard's not surprised that Pete doesn't fight the touch. Gerard's not surprised that Pete leans into the slight grind of bone against tendon. He's not surprised when Pete obeys his hissed commands, when they end up smashed up against the side of the bus, Pete on his knees and Gerard's pants around his thighs.

He thinks that he's a little surprised that Pete's "yes" comes as quickly as it does. But in the end, he really isn't surprised at all.

*

Sometimes, Gerard fucks Pete when Mikey's in the next room, when Pete can see him through a crack in the door or hear him giggling with Frank over something stupid. He likes to mutter: "You want that, but you can't have it. You can just have this. Is it enough?"

He hates himself for using Mikey this way, but he loves it when Pete sobs out "Yes. Yes, it's enough" like a truth and not a lie.

It's not like Gerard didn't know that he was a shitty brother sometimes. He'd just hoped that maybe he wasn't this much of a fuckup, to take things that could make Mikey happy and distort them. But it makes him satisfied, which makes him kind of sick.

Apparently, he is exactly that much of a fuckup.

*

Gerard knows that he's been careless when Joe fucking Trohman corners him by the faucets/showers and puts a careful hand on his shoulder to stop him. People still treat Gerard like he's going to break, like being a drunk made him some kind of fragile that he hadn't been before. People don't touch Gerard like this anymore, so when Trohman's gentle hand doesn't go away, it feels like a punch in the gut.

Gerard gasps a little, surprised at how good it feels.

"Let him go, Way," Trohman says quietly, his slight lisp making this sound like a request when Gerard knows it's a command.

Gerard's eyes narrow. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Trohman's eyes level with Gerard, the irises surprisingly clear. He appears to actually be sober. "Bruises, man. Bruises, circles under his eyes, he's writing shit he won't let Patrick see. We can't let him get more fractured than he already is. This isn't fixing him."

Gerard looks at the ground suddenly, all of the fight gone out of him. "How do you know it isn't?" he asks.

"Because it's fixing you," Trohman says flatly, taking his hand away from Gerard's shoulder. "He likes to fix things that break him more."

*

Gerard doesn't stop it. Neither does Pete. Somehow, it just cauterizes itself after they had both been lanced enough times.

There's a shitty song in that, somewhere. Maybe Pete will write it.

Gerard never tells anyone, but he thinks that Bob caught on. Sometimes, Patrick looks at him sideways, a glance that reads a little sympathy, a lot of pain, and a shitload of anger. He would prefer to never be in the same room alone with Patrick and that glance. There's a lot more understanding in Patrick's face than he knows what to do with and more of a story than he thinks he can deal with.

He can't carry everyone else's demons, too. After all, Gerard's clean and sober now.

He didn't know the price of that, of both. He didn't know that he wouldn't be the only one that would pay.

He'd like to say he's sorry.

He'd like to. But he's not.


End file.
